A Shakespear…I Mean Nabiscan Tragedy

Forsooth didst a feeling of need come over me as I viewed Jeopardy on the “magic mirror”. The thought of Chunky Chips Ahoy was pleasing to my senses. But peering into the cupboard from whence my sustenance comes, I saw none. And though there was an abundance of Oreos, ginger snaps and vanilla wafers, these did not please me. Yea, my craving was overwhelming, and in my grief I cried, “Oh morsel of chocolate and bread, where art thou to satisfy my need? Hath thou been consumed by the fruit of my loins? Didst he not leave even an empty bag from which I could savor the very crumbs left behind by the ants”?  And, thus, I didst say to my wife, daughter of Pete, son of Ruby of the hill country to the west, “Woman, didst thou not say we have cookies?”

“Yea, I didst”, was her reply. “And yea we do. If thou canst be satisfied with Oreos, ginger snaps and vanilla wafers, then taketh thyself to the marketplace”.

Her response provoked me. So, in my arrayment of Adidas, Levis and Polo, I didst depart in yon chariot called Camry, to the great market, Super Walmart. And, whereupon, I did enter the great market, I was overwhelmed by the abundance of food.

I walked among other seekers of sustenance, their wheeled baskets filled with food of every nature. And turning down the aisle of cookie, I was amazed at the vast array from which to choose. Though many of my favorites were in great abundance, my craving was strong. So, I sought diligently thereabout for the holy grail-Chunky Chips Ahoy. And behold, I came upon the treasure I sought! And fearing my craving might return in the night after consuming a bag, I got four bags.  

I, then, went to the place called checkout and saw multitudes with their metal baskets, each overflowing with milk and honey. So I searched and found what is called self-checkout, whereupon I paid my debt to the proprietor and returned to the place from whence I came just in time to enjoy Final Jeopardy with Chunky Chips Ahoy. Verily, I say unto you… when the bag is empty, put it on thy shopping list.