Finally- April Gives Birth!

23 04 2017

Will this kid ever come?!

I got up last Saturday, turned on Fox News, and they were talking about April, the eternally pregnant giraffe, going into labor. I knew, for some strange reason, my wife would want to see this since she, like so many other women, had been glued to her iPad in anticipation of seeing the little booger hit the ground. So, I woke her up. Now before you call me sexist, I know men have been watching it too; but, polls show the female watchers outnumber males by 1500-1.


By the time she got up and got tuned in, a foot was sticking out. Then April paced around for another couple of hours or so before, PLOP, there it is.


“Oh, look at this!” she said with the excitement of scratching off the winning numbers on a lottery ticket. One would have thought we had just had another grandchild. “There’s the placenta,” she went on.


I looked at this little guy, a slime-covered, gangly legged, pile of giraffe sitting in the sand, his head bobbing around like a bobble head on the dashboard as if to be thinking, what the heck just happened? Then something occurred to me.


Now, as I understand, this wasn’t April’s first trip down baby lane. But what was it like the first time? I mean, when those two feet popped out from her backside, she probably thought, oh well, here I go again. But what went through her mind the first time she got pregnant and wasn’t familiar with the experience?


With baby number one, in similar fashion, when that first foot popped out, her first thought was probably, Not now, Oliver. I have a headache. Then, upon realizing Oliver was nowhere around, she probably looked rearward and saw that foot sticking out and thought, Whoa! What the heck is that?


Mama’s baby

It’s amazing how God gave mothers of any ilk the instinct to know what to do when they have babies. When his

face hit the sand, April jumped right in there and began cleaning up her baby. What was really cool was later, watching an extremely agitated April in the adjacent stall, when one of the zoo workers went in to do whatever zoo workers do to newborn giraffes. She wanted desperately to get to her baby to protect him from the intruder.  Maybe that’s it. I don’t care if you are a woman, a dachshund, or a long-neck giraffe; all mothers have one thing in common-a nurturing and protective instinct. That same instinct goes back to mama one. It was something she was born with and not something that evolved. That’s the common bond women share and what draws millions of women to computer screens to watch even a four-legged animal join the bonds of motherhood.



An Homage to Mothers

4 05 2014

Mother’s Day is a week away so I decided to go ahead and post my editorial in honor of mothers everywhere. Moms in America, this is for you.


As we pause to remember mothers on Mother’s Day, let us reflect on the meaning of the word motherhood.


Dissecting the word motherhood, we have mother, meaning to attend to, or take care of. It is a maternal instinct for mothers to care for, or nurture. A mother’s uncontrollable impulse to tuck the covers around her child’s neck, or reach across the car toward her child when she hits the brakes, is renowned.


Then there is hood, meaning a cover for the head. So this gives us motherhood, which obviously, means to take care of the hat. And isn’t that why we love mothers so much… because they take care of our hats? They make sure our heads are covered before we go outside.


It is now clear, by definition, that without mothers, the hat would have died out centuries ago. We would now be a hatless society, the ramifications of which are too frightening to fathom- which, by the way, means a depth of six feet. It is the fear of a hatless world which brings us an appreciation for mothers worldwide.

Without that hat, William Pharrell would just be a happy guy singing, he would still be famous.

Without that hat, William Pharrell would just be a happy guy singing a…no, he would still be famous.


Sure, mothers nag us about our hats, but imagine the upheaval wrought by a world with no hats. Imagine watching a baseball game and not a single player has a ball cap. What will the players wave to the crowd after hitting a home run? Imagine, if you will, the Kentucky Derby or Royal celebrations in the old country with no fascinators. Magicians would have to pull rabbits from their pants. Every day would be a bad hair day for cowboys with their wind-blown locks. Smokey would be just another bear. Robin would be hoodless. Graduates would have to hang their tassels from their ears, switching from the right ear to the left upon graduation. No one could run for political office because they wouldn’t have a hat to throw into the ring. No one would be able to keep a secret since there would be nothing to keep it under. Simply put, the world as we know it would not exist. So, let’s tip our hats to mothers, without whom, we would have to tip our gloves or shoes.

Is that a Smurf or member of Blue Man Group? Without a hat, who can tell?

Is that a Smurf or member of Blue Man Group? Without a hat, who can tell?