The Piggy Poem

16 02 2017

Recently, I was invited to speak at a conference a couple hours drive away so, I grabbed one of our company cars to make the drive. Only problem was, the radio wasn’t working. This gave me two hours of road noise. I really don’t mind the silence because it gives me a chance to think. Sometimes, in times like that, I get creative thoughts. I was able to create the following poem which I call the Piggy Poem. The mind can be a crazy thing.


The Piggy Poem  

Five little piggyspiggie-toes

That’s one plus four

Each one smaller

Than the one next door

One is at the market

Another’s at home

While the third one’s eating roast beef

All alone

And the other two piggys

Are try’n to figure out

How a little piggy

Eats meat with no snout.

They keep them piggys hidden

Inside of a shoe

And they might let ‘em out

After a day or two.

And when they let them piggys out again

They’ll smell like little piggys

In a little piggy pen

Then piggy mom and piggy dad

Gonna say

How come you piggys smell so bad?

Then the piggys’ll say

Well you’ stink too

If you were living

Inside a shoe

So the lesson for piggy mom

And piggy pop

If you want your piggys to smell good

You gotta wear flip-flops.



The Mystery Lady

18 02 2011

My niece was in an accident recently when someone ran a stop light and T-boned her vehicle. Fortunately, her injuries were minor but her car is toast. The local paper, The Wilson Times, ran a story which included a picture of her being rolled away on a stretcher. There was a lady in the picture who appeared to be having a really bad hair and make-up day. No one was able to recognize her so I did a little research in an effort to find out who this strange lady was.

I ran down the photographer, Mathew, from the newspaper. He said he remembered this lady well because when he showed up at the scene she was fighting the ambulance attendants, who thought she was injured, and were trying to put her on a stretcher. One EMT, Viki, was heard to say that anyone who looked that bad had to be in pain.

The photographer said when she saw his camera she asked him if he was from the newspaper. When he told her he was, she began to harass him asking him to take her picture. When he took the first picture of my niece, this mystery lady jumped in front of the camera, blocking the view of the stretcher so he had to shoot it again.

Mystery Lady

He found this photograph among his files and thought it could be her, only he said she is much, much younger in this picture. She is believed to be a recent drop-out from Peaches Hair and Nail Academy. She was last seen wearing mismatched flip-flops (one red and one blue), a Duke sweat shirt and stressed, very stressed blue jeans. If you recognize this lady call BR549 and ask for Lafawnduh.