Felix the Mouse

8 07 2017

My employer leases the entire second floor of our building. According to the building management’s janitorial staff, our downstairs neighbors are slobs who have so much food lying around the office it looks like the aftermath of a dormitory food fight. So, it was just a matter of time before we began to see signs of mice infestation.


Way back on March 29th, while working at my desk, I had a sudden hankering for something sweet-a piece of chocolate would be perfect. So, I walked to the kitchen at my office to see what was in the community snack basket. Only the day before, it had been filled with miniature Kit Kats, miniature Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Tootsie Rolls. To my dismay, I looked inside and saw all the way to the bottom. But, I was in luck-there were two miniature peanut butter cups left. But then, I noticed the peanut butter cups weren’t the only prizes inside the basket. Whoa! There were more mouse droppings than peanut butter cups down there. I suddenly lost my craving for sugar and decided to take a pass on the peanut butter cups.


The very next day, I came into the office, opened my desk drawer and saw the unmistakable evidence of a mouse. I had a pack of Toasty crackers with peanut butter in my desk and the little varmint had chewed into the package and eaten half a cracker. He had also pulled about half the tissues out of a new box of Kleenex. There was also about a half-pound of mouse poop inside my desk drawer-he must have been eating someone else’s crackers, too. And he hadn’t been in only the one drawer; he had been in every drawer-he left a trail of black “rice” in every drawer. There was enough poop to fertilize a corn field. How on earth can something so small put out so much crap?


So, they called the exterminator, who came in and left several traps scattered around the building-6 in my office alone. But in spite of all the traps, he continued to frequent my office. He would come in, crap on top of the traps and make the rounds. And although mine isn’t the only office he would visit, it did seem to be his favorite.


This cat and mouse game-no pun intended-went on for several weeks so I finally decided to give him a name.

Such a neat-nik

At first, I named him Jerome (Jerry for short), but after considerable thought and studying one of the pictures, I decided Felix (of Odd Couple fame) would be more appropriate. In one picture, he had opened and eaten half a chocolate chip cookie. I noticed he moved all the wrappings to one side, away from where he was chowing down.


Well, I got tired of coming into the office only to find empty traps. I especially got tired of having to dump my desk drawers so I could wipe everything down with Clorox wipes. I decided to take matters in my own hands.


I took one of the traps set out by the exterminator, baited it with crackers and Chips Ahoy cookies and then placed it in his favorite drawer. The first morning after setting the trap- nothing. But the cookies were too much for him to resist. On day three, I came into my office, opened the drawer and tally ho! I got the little critter!


So, they called the exterminator to come and get their trap along with its contents. Thank goodness for the long holiday weekend. It’s given me time to adjust to life without Felix. The adventure ends.

Got ’em!!


He’s much larger when I tell the story


A Shakespear…I Mean Nabiscan Tragedy

21 03 2011

Forsooth didst a feeling of need come over me as I viewed Jeopardy on the “magic mirror”. The thought of Chunky Chips Ahoy was pleasing to my senses. But peering into the cupboard from whence my sustenance comes, I saw none. And though there was an abundance of Oreos, ginger snaps and vanilla wafers, these did not please me. Yea, my craving was overwhelming, and in my grief I cried, “Oh morsel of chocolate and bread, where art thou to satisfy my need? Hath thou been consumed by the fruit of my loins? Didst he not leave even an empty bag from which I could savor the very crumbs left behind by the ants”?  And, thus, I didst say to my wife, daughter of Pete, son of Ruby of the hill country to the west, “Woman, didst thou not say we have cookies?”

“Yea, I didst”, was her reply. “And yea we do. If thou canst be satisfied with Oreos, ginger snaps and vanilla wafers, then taketh thyself to the marketplace”.

Her response provoked me. So, in my arrayment of Adidas, Levis and Polo, I didst depart in yon chariot called Camry, to the great market, Super Walmart. And, whereupon, I did enter the great market, I was overwhelmed by the abundance of food.

I walked among other seekers of sustenance, their wheeled baskets filled with food of every nature. And turning down the aisle of cookie, I was amazed at the vast array from which to choose. Though many of my favorites were in great abundance, my craving was strong. So, I sought diligently thereabout for the holy grail-Chunky Chips Ahoy. And behold, I came upon the treasure I sought! And fearing my craving might return in the night after consuming a bag, I got four bags.  

I, then, went to the place called checkout and saw multitudes with their metal baskets, each overflowing with milk and honey. So I searched and found what is called self-checkout, whereupon I paid my debt to the proprietor and returned to the place from whence I came just in time to enjoy Final Jeopardy with Chunky Chips Ahoy. Verily, I say unto you… when the bag is empty, put it on thy shopping list.