I Could Care Less!

I could care less. That’s not right. Yet, so many people say it that way. The correct term is, I couldn’t care less. To say, I could care less, implies that it is possible for me to care less than I do. It says, I have more care to give. If I’m trying to express the fact that something is of absolutely no concern to me, then I would want folks to understand that I could not (couldn’t) care any less than I already do because my bag of care regarding a given issue is empty. I have no more caring. I couldn’t care less.

 

Think of it this way. I could not care any less about the royal wedding than I already do. If so then I could care less. But, because I am at the abyss of caring about the royal wedding, it is impossible for me to care any less. Therefore, I couldn’t care less about the royal wedding. I couldn’t care less what the bride was wearing. I couldn’t care less how much was spent on the wedding. I couldn’t care less where everyone sat. I couldn’t care less who was invited. Any questions?

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Whoa! That was Weird!

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has those moments when you realize what just happened and you just say, “Whoa! That was weird!” For example: Major League Baseball fans will remember Dale Murphy, all-star outfielder for the Atlanta Braves back in the 80s. I would turn the channel to TBS to see the Braves game or just come upon it while surfing the channels and every time, without fail, Dale Murphy would be at bat-not Ozzie Virgil; not Rafael Ramirez; not Glenn Hubbard or Bob Horner-but always, Dale Murphy. It was uncanny.

 

Or, I might see a road sign indicating my exit is three-quarters of a mile away. When I read the sign my immediate thought, as would be most Top Gun fans, is something like, “Call the ball,” or “Maverick has the ball,” both, lines from the movie Top Gun. Then I get to my hotel room, turn the television on and Top Gun is playing on TV.

 

And, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen or heard something that made me think of a movie I haven’t seen in years only to have that movie show up on television within the next few minutes or hours. Or like last night when I was mixing up a marinade, I yelled to my wife in the other room, as I stood befuddled in front of the open refrigerator, “Do we have any soy sauce?” At the exact same moment, I said soy sauce, I heard it on television. It was if I were lip-syncing the words.

he ball,

One recent Saturday morning, I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, as always, with a song in my head. It was one of those songs that you just can’t get rid of and keeps playing over and over in your head until you feel it’s going to drive you crazy. In the shower, it played. Cooking breakfast, it played. While I ate, it played. All morning long, it kept playing. I tried to recall if I had heard the song recently but, it being an old country song from 1973, I could not recall when I even had an opportunity to hear it. So, I jumped into the car to make my regular Saturday morning grocery store run and when I started the car and turned on the radio, that song was playing-not just playing but it picked up at the same place in the song in which it was playing inside my head! It was as if my head had been tuned into Sirius. I sat for a moment and thought, “Whoa! That’s weird!”

Anything like this ever happen to you? Tell me about your weird experiences.

The Ghost of Greta

Puppy Greta

In spite of a preponderance of evidence and testimony from trustworthy sources, I have always been a bit skeptical about the existence of ghosts. Angels? Yes. But ghosts? No longer a skeptic! I am now a believer…at least as far as pets go.

 

In 2010 and again in 2011, I posted a couple of stories about our dog, Greta but don’t think I posted anything following her death in 2012-it was too painful to write. She had been diagnosed with cancer and we had no choice but to put her down. As anyone with a pet, particularly a dog, will tell you, she was like one of the family and it was so sad when she died. It took a very long time for my wife and me to get over her passing.

 

When we first brought her home as a 10 week-old puppy, I made the mistake of putting her on the bed that first night rather than force her to sleep alone in her bed on the floor. She decided that’s where she belonged and so that’s where she slept every night…lying against my stomach. During the night, she would move from that spot to another and this five-pound, long-haired miniature diva…I mean dachshund, would wake me up while stepping on top of me or across my legs as she sought a more comfortable spot.

 

About six months ago, I was awakened by a feeling that was very reminiscent of Greta stepping over my legs as she had done on so many nights. I decided it was just my wife moving about and causing the covers to move. But then it happened again. And again. And again. Finally, about a month ago, I mentioned it to my wife. I think she may have been a little skeptical herself and I can’t say as I blame her.

 

This morning (Sunday) at around 4:15, my wife got up to go to the bathroom. I usually get up around 3:30 or 4:00 except on weekends when I’ll sleep in until around six. So, when she returned to bed at 4:30, I was very much awake. Almost immediately, she went back to sleep. As I lay there, I soon noticed the sensation of movement and pressure against my right thigh, much like it felt when Greta would be settling in to get comfortable. I turned to my wife to tell her Greta was back but was dissuaded by her snoring (my wife’s not Greta’s). I decided she didn’t need to know that badly. But I lay there and the movement stopped. I then reached down toward my thigh where I had “felt her moving” and “scratched the back of her head.”  Immediately, the sensation returned and lasted only a couple of seconds. A minute or two passed and I reached down and did it again. Again, the sensation returned for a second or two. So, I lay there as I began to form this post in my mind and after a couple of minutes without feeling anything, I rolled over to my other side. Almost immediately, I felt her walking across my legs and between my feet just as she had always done.

 

If you’re too young to remember The Twilight Zone, then I suggest you Google and watch an episode or two. The host of the show, Rod Serling, once said, “There is nothing in the dark that isn’t there when the lights are on.” Well, if that’s true then there’s a five-pound long-haired miniature dachshund living on my bed day and night because, she is certainly there in the dark.

I Hear You, God!

Much has been made of Joy Behar’s comments last week in which she mocked Vice-President Pence for his Christianity and accused him of being mentally ill. Unless you watch FOX News, you probably aren’t even aware of the latest controversy stirred up by this comedienne, turned co-host, on ABC’s The View. “It’s one thing to talk to Jesus,” she said. “It’s another thing when Jesus talks to you. That’s called mental illness, if I’m not correct.”

 

Certainly, this is something so politically incorrect, the major networks, least of all the owner of her comments, ABC, would not want viewers (and sponsors) to hear.

 

Her comments demonstrate her intolerance for conservatives and conservative views. But the comments also reveal the blatant hypocrisy of her and her boss, ABC, who have made no effort to apologize to VP Pence, or Christians in general. Assuredly, if she had commented that former President Barrack Hussein Obama said he was told by Muhammad that he should release Gitmo-held terrorists back into the wild, or place nearly 2 billion dollars into the hands of our terrorist enemies, she would have immediately found herself among the unemployed and ABC would be falling all over itself to apologize.

 

But her follow-up comment, which has gotten less press, is, to me, even more revealing. Apparently, under pressure, she attempted to walk back her earlier comments by stating, “To call us intolerant or to call out ABC…I find a little hard,” she said. “I give money to the church. I actually help Christians with my pocketbook.”

 

Why does she give money to the church? Is it because she’s a church member? Does she attend church? Does she pray? Does she consider herself a Christian? Or, the $64,000 question, does she believe that her good deed of giving to the church will buy her way into heaven? I mean, I donate to the Police Benevolent Association but that doesn’t make me a police officer.

 

I don’t know the answer to any of these questions. I don’t know what is in her heart, but her words reveal a lot of what is in her mind. Without making any judgments, I fear she does not have a personal relationship with God. To me, that’s the most troubling part of this entire fiasco. She doesn’t seem to understand God or what it takes to be assured of her salvation in order to attain her reward of eternity in heaven. Perhaps heaven isn’t on her radar; I don’t know. What I do know is that I can pray for her. I can talk to God and ask Him to show her the light. And who knows, He may come back and tell me He has it under control.

What’s Your Goliath?

“The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him.” Nahum 1:7

 

David faced a giant. Goliath was a career warrior who had been training to fight since he was a child. He was nine feet tall with the strength of a bear. The tip alone, on the spear he carried, weighed 15 pounds. And, his bronze helmet probably weighed as much as the scrawny David. Now, he stepped out onto the battlefield to challenge the Israelites, but, no one would come out to fight him. They knew there was none among them who could defeat this leviathan.

 

Along comes David, a skinny shepherd boy, with enough faith in God to move a mountain. We read at I Samuel 17:38 that, as Goliath started out across the expanse between the armies, David ran out to meet him. He wasn’t timid. He didn’t walk out or amble out. He ran out, without hesitation and with unspeakable confidence, to remove the head of this enemy of his people. You see, David knew something that neither Goliath nor anyone else knew-he knew God was with him. David knew, just as Joshua knew at the battle of Jericho, the victory was already his. Joshua 6:2 says, “And the Lord said unto Joshua, ‘See, I have given into thine hand Jericho, and the king thereof, and the mighty men of valour.’” The battle had been won even before it began. Such was the situation for David. His faith in God told him that God had is back, to put it into today’s vernacular, and he would be victorious thanks to the power of God.

 

Everyone has a Goliath in his or her life. Mounting debt. Health problems. An addiction. A tragedy.  A difficult boss or strained relation with a friend or family member. If you believe God is the promised Messiah and you have accepted Him as personal Savior, He will help you overcome that obstacle. No giant is bigger than God. Oh, we’ll still have rough spots. We’ll still have struggles; but, He sends His angels to watch over and protect us. The battle is already won thanks to the Cross. Isn’t it comforting to know that no matter how hard life gets, there will come a time when we will spend each perfect day in the presence of God for eternity.

 

“The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.” Psalms 18:2

 

High Bid’s a Winner!

Last year there was a TV commercial for one of those dating web sites that singles use to get out of, or at least share, their singledom. I’m pretty sure the dating site was eHarmony. Anyway, the young lady in the commercial said the reason she chose eHarmony over other sites was, “because you have to pay to be on there.” Whaaat? She felt there would be a higher class of people at eHarmony since they were all willing to fork over some cash to meet their mates. According to her logic, if it’s free, either it must not be any good or you’ll have to cull out a bunch of penniless losers to find a nugget worth dating.

 

Let’s Cool This Place!

So, a friend and former co-worker once told me of his grandfather’s church. It was a small wood-frame, country church…one of those churches that’s been around for a hundred years. It was a church where every Sunday morning during the summer, congregants sat waving paper fans on sticks with a picture of the Last Supper on the front and an ad for the local funeral home on the back side. The preacher, two minutes after beginning his sermon, pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and begins to wipe the sweat from his face, as he brings a sermon as hot as the air blowing through the open windows.

 

It was during a meeting of elders that a decision was made to air condition the church. “There’s no reason,” they reasoned, “that we can’t, or shouldn’t, try to make this place comfortable.”

 

So, they sent a letter to local heating and air conditioning companies requesting bids for the project.

 

The Bidding Process

Now, I have worked in government and I understand how it works. For a government entity, such as a state or municipality, the law requires anything beyond a certain amount to go out for bids. In North Carolina, the threshold requiring informal bids used to be $5,000.00. The entity would then select the provider who submitted the lowest bid. There’s an old joke about a city employee who collapsed at her desk but died while the city was waiting to get the lowest bid for the ambulance service.

 

Well, this is a private church; so, there is no requirement that they go through the bidding process. But, the logic is the same-you want the work completed satisfactorily at the lowest price-hence the bid requests.

 

So the bids came in-they sought, and got three. Two of the bids were similar…in the $8,000 range. But, the third bid was over $11,000. So, the church elders, applying some form of twisted logic, decided that if the high bidder was so much higher than the others, it must be because they provide better equipment and do better work. So, the decision was made to accept the highest bid.

 

Now, that’s just the beginning of the story. My friend went on to tell me how the following year, the church elders, pleased with the improvements to make the church more comfortable, felt it was worthy of an exterior makeover, as well. So, they decided to put aluminum siding over the weathered boards. The church spent a few thousand dollars to install the siding; but then, the following year, for whatever reason, they bricked over the siding. Wait a minute…is this a church or our government? Maybe they’ve been watching too many eHarmony commercials!

 

LET ME OUTTA HERE!

 

Kids will be kids. http://www.cbc.ca

Last Wednesday morning it began to snow and the snow didn’t stop until it was nearly a foot deep. Or, as my good friend, Jim, would say, “axel deep to a Ferris wheel.” Then, true to form for the South, the next morning, the sun shined bright, the temperature rose to nearly sixty and everything began to melt. As you might imagine, after two days of unrelenting, copious melting, the ground is good and soggy.

 

So, today, Saturday, on my way to the store to do my weekly grocery shopping, I drove past a park and noticed there were a number of parents with their toddlers in the park. The little tykes were having a blast playing on the swings, sliding down the slides into the mud pool awaiting at the lower end, and doing what kids do in a park. I thought to myself, why would responsible parents bring their one, two and three-year olds to play in a park when the ground was so wet and muddy? Then (smack my forehead), like the floor when I fall, it hit me…these parents had been shut up in the house with these little hellions for three days and were at the end of their rope of tolerance. They were dying to get out of the house. Also, I’ll point out, this park was in one of the more “progressive” neighborhoods with “Resist” signs in the front yards of the older refurbished homes owned by young parents who believe spanking is a form of child abuse. Guess they figured they had better get out of the house before they snapped and betrayed their theory that little Aaron and Moonbeam should never experience spanking. Regardless of their parental theories, I can’t say as I blame them.