The Fury of Plastic Wrap

25 05 2015

I have shared in previous posts that my wife has been sidelined recently due to some health issues. Hopefully, for her sake, this is only a temporary situation. Still, I now do, among other things, all of the shopping, cooking and laundry which, by the way, I do not mind. And, although I’m beginning to get the hang of certain things, there are still times when I feel like a bit of a neophyte in the kitchen, at least as far as this cooking thing goes. I am learning things, such as heat settings for certain dishes, seasoning food, and, most importantly, how to coordinate so all of dishes are ready to serve up at the same time. Nothing is worse than bringing the steaks in from the grill 30 minutes before the potatoes are ready to come out of the oven.

 

I’ve also learned there are a few things I find quite annoying. At the top of the saran-wrap-product-detail-pagelist is plastic cling wrap. We use Saran wrap, but I’m sure they all present the same problem. By that I mean, the difficulty in tearing off a piece of the stuff. Now tell me…is there anyone reading this post who has not experienced the short-lived euphoria of successfully cutting the length you want, only to have it cling to itself in a useless ball of plastic, and now you have to fight to uncling it? (My spell check tells me there’s no such word as uncling but it’s my story so I can say whatever I like.) Or, the exasperation of trying to pull off a sheet of plastic wrap only to have it tear because the serrated cutting edge on the box can’t cut Cool Whip. As a cutter, the serrated edge is just about useless. To

Cutter-Schmutter!

Cutter-Schmutter!

call this thing a cutter is like calling Barrack Obama a president.

 

AAAAARGH!

AAAAARGH!

Perhaps I just haven’t yet discovered the right technique for consistently tearing off plastic wrap. I’ve tried a couple of the more popular methods.

 

First, is the waxed paper method. That’s where you grab the end of the plastic wrap, pull out the appropriate length and, then, pull down and away against the serrated teeth of the cutter…in the same manner one would tear off a piece of waxed paper…which, by the way, tears off quite easily. Usually with this method, the wrap stretches grossly out of shape and instead of a nice clean-cut you get a jagged, torn edge and bend the box in the process. Unless you allowed for the rip by pulling out a little extra length, then you wind up throwing that piece out and trying it again.

The Waxed Paper Technique

The Waxed Paper Technique

 

Having learned your lesson about the waxed paper technique, when you try to pull out the second piece to replace the one you just threw in the trash, you decide to employ the alternate method…the tight end grab.

 

In the tight end grab, after pulling out the requisite length, you grab the wrap at the far edge, as close to the cutter as possible. Pull hard against the cutter to get the cut started and then grab the wrap by the end and apply the waxed paper method. Now, unless you’re lucky…and it is pure luck…you’re back to that jagged torn edge again as your anger begins to manifest in a few carelessly thrown adjectives about the guy who invented plastic wrap.

 

Whoever invented this stuff deserves a whuppin’. Whuppin’ is southern for whipping, but it is also distinctly different. A whipping is when you spank or beat someone. A whuppin’ is when you spank or beat someone and you enjoy it.

 

I’m sure there must be a way to cut this kitchen miracle without all the waste and frustration; I just haven’t found it yet. So, until I do, there won’t be any leftovers around our house that won’t fit into a Tupperware container.

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