The Prince Formerly Known as It

25 07 2013

it's a boyIt’s finally over. The royal kid has arrived and as all the headlines attest, it’s a boy. I don’t know about you but I was growing weary of all the hype and the baby watch. After all, they didn’t make that big a deal when either of my kids was born and I assure you they meant a great deal more to me than His Royal Highness Willie, Jr. And as a bonus, we don’t have to have a name watch. I was afraid that might drag out like the delivery did but they have already announced the name-George Alexander Louis.

I was wondering what the process is for naming a future king. Some folks give long and considerable thought to the name for their kids. That is certainly appropriate since it’s something the kid will have to live with. I’m not sure of the process some people go through. Come on, how much thought went into North West?

Well, what about Kate and William? Does protocol allow them to come up with the name or is there a more formal procedure? After all, they were naming a future king. So, I thought, perhaps it was a more formal process for royalty. I mean they have staff to do everything else for them. Maybe something like this:

Queen: Do tell, William, you know it took a week to come up with a name for you. I don’t feel that should happen again. I mean as much as I enjoy watching the peasants congregate at the gate and place wagers on a name, I feel we should be quick about this. Besides, I’m going on holiday Friday and I want to get this done before I leave. So, I have summoned the Royal Baby-Namer. We’ll have that little booger named before the next James Bond movie comes out.

Prince Charles: Mummy, I thought we might let William and Kate take a crack at naming their child.

Queen: Oh nonsense, Chucky. This is fah too important to leave to amateurs. Children shouldn’t name children. We have a Royal Baby-Namer so let’s just leave the job to the professional.

The Royal Greeter: Pahdon, Your Majesty, the Royal Baby-Namer is here.

Queen: Oh good. Send him in, Jeeves. (to Charles, William and Kate) You’ll like the Baby-Namer. He’s new and he’s from the colonies, I understand.

Baby-Namer (Bubba Wishbone): Hey ya’ll. I’m Bubba the Baby-Namer. Ya’ll can call me Bubba.

Charles: I understand you’re from the States.

Bubba: Yep, that’s right. Born and bred.

Charles: I thought all royal positions were to be held only by Englishmen.

Queen: That’s right Chucky, and Mr. Wishbone is a blood relative of Quincy, the Duke of Burlington. We’ve had a Wishbone in the family since George III. And Mr.Bubba comes well qualified and with high recommendations from the General Motors Company in Detroit.

Bubba: Yes mam, that’s right. I was the director of marketing for Chevy. I chaired the committee that named the HHR. (See post Ha, Ha, Right, posted 8/1/11) I know a thing or two about naming things and naming people really ain’t no different.

Charles: What’s an HHR?

Bubba: That’s a car, Chucky.

Queen: Mr. Bubba, proper protocol demands that you refer to the prince as His Majesty, Prince Charles.

Bubba: Oh, yes mam. I’m sorry about that, His Majesty. I’m so new over here I haven’t had time to finish my protocol lessons yet. So far all they taught me was that bowing thing I did when I came in. Did ya’ll like that?

Charles: That’s quite alright Mr. Bubba.

Queen: Mr. Bubba, have you any ideas for a name for our future king?

Kate: Begging your pardon, mum but will William and I have any say in the matter?

Queen: Oh, well of course, dear. You both will have final approval. The Royal Baby-Namer is just here to offer suggestions. He does the work and we simply give the thumbs up or thumbs down.

Bubba: Well, your royal folks, I’ve been giving this baby naming thing a lot of thought and have come up with a few suggestions I think ya might like. My first choice is William, Jr. and you could call him Willie so’s folks will know when you call him that you ain’t calling his daddy, William.

William: I quite like that. William is a bold name of distinction. Plus, I like the idea of having my son named after me.

Bubba: Oh, your name is William too? William is my real name. People just call me Bubba cause…come ta think of it, I don’t know why they call me Bubba. But, I was naming him after me.

Kate: What else do you have, Mr. Bubba?

Bubba: Well, I got several for ya t’ choose from. Another’n is Claude. I was thinking before he was born that if it was a girl, you could name her Claudine, but since it came out to be a boy, if ya like that name then you can just call ‘em Claude.

Queen: No, Mr. Bubba. The name of England’s future king must be a name that bespeaks of royalty. Something that says, here is a king.

Bubba: Well, hows about Ralph. Ya know like that movie King Ralph? I loved that movie. I got it on VHS and every time I….

William: Go on, sir.

Bubba: Oh, yeh. Well, I thought one real popular name over here is James, ya know, after James Bond and all; England’s most famous spy.

Queen: Mr. Bubba, James Bond is a fictional character.

Bubba: Ya mean he ain’t real? Dang it. I wish you hadn’t told me. Next, you’ll be telling me Ralph wat’n really one of your kings. Okay, another’n that’s good is George, after our first president and leader of the Revolution. He’s a real hero, ya know.

Charles: Yes, Mr. Bubba but not our hero.

Kate: I like George. That’s a good English name. William?

William: Yes, snookums, I like George. Go on please, sir.

Bubba: Okay, so we got George for the first name. Two suggestions for a middle name are Alex and Ur, as in Ur of the Chaldees. I heard that on Saturday Night Live one time. I know it’s a city but it’s got a nice ring to it and it sounds worldly. Besides, the letter U looks good embroidered on a towel.

Charles: Hmmm, Alex and Ur. Alex and Ur. I like them both so it will be hard to choose.

Kate: I like them both too. Let’s use them both. Alexander.

Queen: Brilliant! Now, I need to go pack. I’m going on holiday.

Bubba: Wait a minute, mam. You cain’t name that baby George Alexander. Sounds like a bus driver or a car salesman. It ain’t distinction enough. How’s about if we stick Louis on the end of it. I saw that in a magazine on the plane coming over.

Queen: George Alexander Louis. His Royal Higness George Alexander Louis. Bravo, Mr. Bubba, bravo.

Charles: Smashing, Mr. Bubba. Just smashing. I can’t understand how GM ever let you get away.

Bubba: Smashing-is that a good thang?

Charles: Oh yes. Smashing is jolly good. It’s like you yanks might say…right on.

William: Father, right on is so 70’s and I believe they no longer use that expression in the states. Now they say cool. And if it is really good, they say way cool. At any rate, I like the name. Let’s go spread the word.

Just thinking.

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3 responses

25 07 2013
Jackie Garner

I am laughing so hard right now Bill

26 07 2013
Bill Taylor

Good! All the smiles you’ve brought to the faces of others, I’m glad I could bring one to you.

5 05 2014
Bill Taylor

Might be more interesting than the old hat trick!

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