You Wanna Do What?!

10 05 2013

proctologistWhat do you do for a living and how did you come to do it? What was your career path and how did you decide in the beginning that was the path you wanted to take? For a fortunate few, there is never a question in their minds, from an early age, what they want to do as a career. For most, however, the path is not clear because they don’t have a clue how they want to spend their lives. That’s understandable. It is hard to know, at 20 years old, what you’ll want to be doing at 40. When trying to decide on a college major, one is making, quite literally, a career decision; that is assuming they will be able to find a job in their chosen field following graduation.

For many people, their careers grew from their love and fascination with something. A snake handler probably had a life-long fascination with snakes and has the scars to prove it. An astronomer has probably been enamored with all things spacey for her entire life.

So, what does that say about the proctologist? What is it that clicks in the mind of a medical student that leads him (or her) to one day say, “I think I’d like to give that proctology thing a go?” My goodness, who in his (or her) right mind aspires to be a proctologist? I always thought you had to be smart to get into medical school. This kind of thinking defies logic.

Can you just hear the conversation between the medical student and his parents when he announces to them he wants to be a proctologist?

Here’s the way I see it. During a family gathering, perhaps a family reunion, the son, Steve, has come home during a break. He pulls his parents inside to share his news with them while others are outside enjoying the activities.

Steve: Mom, dad, I wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to specialize in proctology.

[Silence. Mom and dad look at each other then back to Steve.]

Mom: Stevie, that’s wonderful. Maybe you’ll be able to help me figure out why my feet hurt me so bad.

Dad: Oh Martha, that’s not a proctologist. That’s a podiatrist-a foot doctor.

Mom: Well, what’s a proctologist then?

Steve: A proctologist, mom…

Dad interrupting: It’s a butt doctor!

Steve: A proctologist, mom, specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of disorders affecting the colon and rectum.

Mom: Oh my. Well, son, if…

Dad Interrupting: You’ll be the butt of a lot of jokes, son.

Mom: Oh don’t you listen to him, baby boy. If that’s what you want to do then we’re behind you.

Dad: [laughing] No, Martha, he’ll be the one behind. He’ll always be behind in his work.

Mom: Hush Albert, you pervert.

Steve: That’s okay, mom. I’m already getting used to that. But you know, dad’s right, proctologist are kidded an awful lot.

Mom: That’s okay. Let ‘em laugh. We’ll see who’s laughing when they’re all flipping burgers and you’re making a butt load of…oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say it like that.

Dad: [Laughing hysterically]

Steve: It’s okay, mom. Like I said, I’m used to it.

Dad: [Still laughing] There’s one good thing about it- the job is recession-proof because business will always be looking up. [laughing harder]

Mom: You stop that, Albert. Be proud of our boy. He’s done so well. He was working real hard to get himself through medical school while so many other young kids were just sitting on their…oh, I’m sorry, I did it again.

Dad: [on floor laughing]

Mom: That’s enough, Albert. It’s not all that funny.

Dad: I need an aspirin [still laughing]

Mom: Albert, I told you to hush. Now let’s get back outside and share this good news.

Steve: Come on, dad. Let’s go play some corn hole.

Dad falls down steps laughing and breaks his leg.

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