My, Oh, My, Oh, Maya!

22 12 2012

Mayan CalendarWell, today is December 22, 2012. I couldn’t help but notice this morning when I woke up that I woke up-the world didn’t end. Well, that’s certainly good news. I guess the Mayans were wrong after all. Hold on just a minute, Jeeves. The Mayan calendar didn’t actually predict the world would end on December 21, 2012. They’ve been given a bad rap over this calendar deal. What the Mayan calendar did was to suddenly and without explanation, end. Well, that’s a prediction only if someone interprets it that way and that isn’t what the Mayas were doing. It’s like if Shingleton’s Funeral Home decided money was getting a little tight so they decided not to spend the money to print a 2013 calendar. That doesn’t mean the Shingletons are predicting the world is coming to an end. It means they didn’t want to spend the money for calendars.


Okay, so what happened? Why did the Mayan calendar suddenly end? Who knows? Maybe the calendar sculptor got up on December 21 and when he went into his shop, someone had stolen his chisel so he was unable to finish the calendar.


Or perhaps whoever interpreted the hieroglyphics made a mistake and the calendar isn’t really a calendar after all but instead is the secret recipe for Kentucky Fried Chicken or directions to the nearest Taco Bell. Or maybe the calendar sculptor decided he wanted a career change so he threw down his tools and went into real estate. My theory is the Mayans were serious practical jokers and they thought if they suddenly and without warning, ended their calendar then people would think the world was coming to an end. Oh, those crazy Mayas. That’s a good one! Mayan Calendar


You know, we could speculate all day as to what happened that brought a sudden and mysterious end to the Mayan calendar but in the final analysis, who cares? Oh, wait a minute. What about all those doomsdayers who secluded themselves in their doomsday spheres and shelters? Most of those misguided preppers spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on freeze-dried meals, batteries, canned food, folding shovels, gas masks and other such devices one might need if he, or she as the case may be, found themselves alone on a desolate earth on December 22. Has anyone thought to tell them everything is fine and they can come out now?


I’ve always been a bit of a practical joker myself so I’ve come up with an idea. While the doomsday seclusionists are in hiding, let’s all leave. Or, even better, most of the spheres and shelters probably have some way to allow them to see outside, like a periscope. Let’s paint their scope lenses black so they’ll think there is no more sun and the world actually did end and see how long we can keep them in hiding. Of course, if these folks had read the Bible they would have realized the world was not going to end since no one, Mayans included, knows when this will happen. Think of the money they could have saved if they had believed what God said rather than what the Mayans didn’t say!


I guess the only folks who profited from this Mayan mess are the people who sold all those apocalypse toys to the preppers. That’s probably where all this December doomsday crap originated in the first place. Oh, well, it just proves what P.T. Barnum always said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.” I just hope none of the preppers quit their jobs or sent off a nanny, nanny, boo, boo letter to the IRS.




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