The Power Potty

29 10 2012

The secret to the power flush

More and more hotels, it seems, are going to these air assist toilets. Have you seen one of these things? This isn’t your every day john. It’s a power packed piece of porcelain plumbing sure to please the potty purest. This is a piece of modern technology that has enough power to flush a watermelon. This little wonder is plumbing at its finest.

 

Instead of water in the tank there is a small tank inside the toilet tank. When you hit the flush handle it releases water under pressure from the inner tank to remove waste from the toilet bowl. If everything in the bowl doesn’t go, you don’t have to stand there waiting for the bowl to refill with water so you can flush again. Actually, you don’t have to worry about everything in the bowl not going because it will flush everything in the bowl. Along with it go the towels on the racks, those little fish-shaped soaps in the dish by the sink, your black velvet picture of Elvis, the can of air freshener on the back of the toilet and those plastic flowers in the clay vase your kid made in Bible school. Everything that isn’t glued down will leave the room.

 

This is One Loud Loo

Naturally, with all this power and efficiency there has to be a trade-off. With power comes noise. My wife and I stayed at a Hampton Inn in Marietta, Ohio on a recent trip. I woke up around 4, as I usually do. As I lay there, I could tell when other hotel guests completed their morning constitutional because I could hear every toilet in the hotel flush. They not only have the power of an F-16, they sound like one screaming off the deck of an aircraft carrier, afterburners roaring.

 

I was standing at the window looking out when someone in the room next door flushed. Every manhole cover for six blocks jumped 3 feet into the air.

 

Beware the Flush!

If you own one of these and decide you want to stand up on the rim to clean the overhead light fixture in the bathroom, you should probably rethink that plan. If your foot should slip off into the bowl and on the way down you hit the flush handle, it’s bye-bye Susie. Your husband will come into the bathroom and find the dust cloth on the floor by the toilet and wonder where you went. At least tie a rope around your waist and anchor it to the sink.

 

Know this, young parents-if you put little Jimmy on the seat of this crapper for potty training you’d better hang on to him because if he falls in and gets flushed, you can pick him up at the sewage plant. You’ll never get him on any toilet again and he’ll grow up thinking you have to be transported to the sewage plant just to go to the bathroom.

 

Where No Man Has Ever Gone Before

I’m not sure but I think they had one of these fancy toilets aboard the Starship Enterprise. How do you think Scotty beamed Captain Kirk and Spock around the universe? That wasn’t some futuristic matter transference device. Oh, it was matter transference alright but there wasn’t really anything Trekky about it. It was a lot like when the Wicked Witch of the West leaves Munchkin Land. She stood on a platform and they enveloped her with a cloud of smoke just before pulling the platform from under her feet. Well, Spock would step into the transporter and then they would have these special glitter-like effects just as someone off stage, or I guess it could have been Scotty, hit the flush handle and away Spock went. The part we viewers never got to see was when Spock would pull himself to his feet in a confused state, soaked from head to toe and shaking his head. But being a futuristic science fiction show, they couldn’t just say, “Okay, Scotty, flush me up.”  So, they changed the original script to something more deserving of future travel. “Beam me up, Scotty,” just sounds so much more trekky.

 

I’m thinking about getting me one of these toilets and mounting it on the back of a truck and entering the World Punkin Chunkin competition in Delaware. If I attach a 10 foot piece of pipe to the discharge end I’ll bet that thing will hurl a pumpkin a country mile. Can’t believe no one has thought of this before now.

 

If you haven’t seen one of these air blasters it’s worth the cost of a hotel room to go and use one. Better yet, go to Lowes and buy yourself one. Either way, happy flushing!

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4 responses

29 10 2012
Tommy

I bought one of these at Lowes and it advertises that it could flush a basket of golf balls. fortunately i don’t poop golf balls. It works great though.

30 10 2012
Bill Taylor

Yep, I saw a youTube video doing the golf ball flush. Those guys in the lab must have had a ball trying to see exactly what this thing would flush. The possibilities are endless! Thanks for the visit and the comment.

30 10 2012
shade cloth fabric

Good post. I learn something new and challenging on sites
I stumbleupon everyday. It’s always exciting to read content from other authors and use a little something from other web sites.

31 10 2012
Bill Taylor

Thanks Ronnie. I agree. I can learn a lot by reading other people’s work; otherwise, why hang on to the classics?

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