The Fascinator

5 05 2011

By day a mild mannered office worker...but at night he becomes...

The fascinator…sounds like a super hero of some sort. The Fascinator-the enthralling crime-fighter, dazzling criminals into submission. A mild-mannered office worker by day who transforms into…The Fascinator by night! Until the week of the Royal wedding, I had never heard the word fascinator. It’s certainly not a moniker my wife ever used for me. My sister and I had a game about a hundred years ago called Fascination, but I’ve never heard of a fascinator. I didn’t know if this was a newly coined word, or what. Turns out, according to Wikipedia anyway, the word has been around for ages but fell out of use back in the 70’s. Now it has been revived. It’s a hat, but not just any hat. It’s a hat that fascinates. It’s a hat that says, “Hey, look at me!” It’s a hat that says, “Hey, Mr. Cameraman, I’m over here!”

Watching some of the ladies wearing these things at the Royal wedding, it

THE FASCINATOR!!

struck me that there should be a size limit. Some of these monstrosities were so large you could show movies on them. I would hate to be sitting behind one of these things…unless I was at a Barbara Streisand movie. But if you’re sitting at a wedding in Westminster Abbey, it really doesn’t matter because there are so few good seats. If you’re sitting three football fields away from the action, then a big mass of millinery in front of you is moot. Still, I think it would be a good idea if they had something like the laser that would measure each hat entering the door and, if over a certain size, then the wearer would be required to remove it, or remove enough of the feathers, fabric, china, etc. until it would passed inspection.

I guess fascinators are more like art than fashion-some are pretty abstract and you know what Andy Capp said about abstract art: “It’s a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered”.

So, after looking at some of this fancy headgear, I decided to give some of them names. From the Bull’s Eye-nator which looks like a music holder on a trumpet, to the crowd favorite satelite dish winner, they’re all here. Here are the winners from the Did You Really Pay Good Money for That Thing? contest at the Will and Kate wedding.

The Radar-nator

 

The Peek-A-Boo-nator

 

The It's Not A Canoe-nator

 

The I Can't Keep This Thing On Top of My Head-nator

 

The If They Focus On My Hat Maybe They Won't Notice My Hem Isn't Straight-nator

 

The I Shot It Myself-nator

 

The Cymbal-nator

 

The Bull's Eye-nator

 

The Bedpan-nator

 

The Alfred Hitchcock-nator

 

The AAAChooo-nator

 

And the winner of the Did You Really Pay Good Money for That Thing? contest is…

Hey, I Can Get 300 Channels on This Thing-nator

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