The Royal Wedding

2 05 2011

While I wish them both a long and happy life of wedded bliss, I had no desire to watch any of the wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton. It just wasn’t something that interested me. My wife, on the other hand, didn’t want to miss a minute. She DVR’d the big event so she could come back later and watch the parts she missed while getting ready for work. But with the event showing on nearly every television in the house it was hard not to see at least some of it. And I must admit, some things did catch my attention.

The first thing I noticed, of all things, was all the horse poop in the street. These people went to unbelievable extremes to make sure everything was perfect. The whole thing was timed to the second. They had cameras planted in the flowers to be sure to capture every angle. There was even a designated bullet-catcher in case someone made an assassination attempt. So, the question is, did they overlook the fact that all these horses were going to leave a trail of processed oats throughout the streets of London, or is it just so commonplace that they weren’t going to worry about it? I didn’t even see any of those guys dressed as clowns walking along behind the horses with shovels and pulling trash cans-the dooty crew. Or, as the little girl in the movie Kidco suggested as a name for their company, “The Shovel-uppers”.

A Good Solution

Imagine being a member of the Royal Guard assigned to protect these important people. You want everything to be perfect so you stayed up all night getting your uniform ready. That includes three and one half hours shining your boots. Then, as you march through the streets of London, so diligent in your duties as you watch for snipers and potential wrong-doers, you step into a fresh, warm pile of pony-poo. So much for your shine, fella.

Dooty Bags


I thought it would have been a good idea if they had strapped one of those butt-buckets onto the rear end of each horse. But there may be some legitimate reason they didn’t do that. I mean all my knowledge about horses is like a drop of water in the Pacific Ocean.

The Royal Pooper Scooper

Then there were the fascinators. I must say, they are appropriately named because I was fascinated, but that’ll be in a separate, soon-to-follow post.

I will make mention of the crowd. I was amazed that people would come out in droves in hopes of catching a glimpse of the Royal couple. Some people even camped out for days, sleeping on the streets-I guess so they would be able to have a good vantage point. There were parts of London, along the route and outside Buckingham Palace that looked more like Krzyzewskiville a week before the Duke-Carolina game.

But on a serious note, as I watched the crowd, waving their Union Jacks and singing along with the lucky few who made it inside Westminster Abbey, I couldn’t help but contrast them against those misguided anti-American, anti-God nuts from the Westboro Baptist Church who think the thing to do is protest in loud and disgraceful ways at the funerals of fallen soldiers.

I don’t usually get political on this blog, but I will here. Yes, they are simply exercising their right to free speech- a freedom won for them by the spilled blood of soldiers they claim God hates. If they were true Christians, they would realize God does not hate soldiers. God does not hate gays. God does not hate His children. God hates sin. And although He doesn’t hate them either, I’m sure He isn’t wild about a bunch of fanatic cultists (I don’t care what they say, they aren’t Baptist!) desecrating the sanctity of a funeral for someone who gave his/her life in the line of duty-not to mention the disrespect for the family.

People will protest anything, and I’m sure there are those who protested the royal wedding;  but we never saw them. Why weren’t there protesters right there in front of Buckingham Palace? I’ll tell you why. The Monarchy is a venerated tradition in England and while there are those who hate the Monarchy, I heard this week that about 84 percent of the population in England likes the Royals. So, if someone did try to protest among that huge crowd they probably would have gotten the ever-lovin’ snot beat out of them by an angry mob. Hey, I think I just figured out a way to stop the Westboro Baptist gang.




2 responses

2 05 2011
Jackie garner

Sounds like a plan Bill….that would work for me.

3 05 2011
Bill Taylor

Yep, I’m a defender of the Constitution until you take it over the edge at the expense of disrespecting others. Where’s my bat?

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