Char-Broil: The Bonnie and Clyde of Grilldom

28 06 2017

Okay. You’re shopping for a new grill and after an hour of checking out what’s available, you have it narrowed down to two. Then you notice a huge sticker glued to the top of one of your two finalists.

“MANUFACTUR’S WARRANTY:

Ø  99 YEARS-STAINLESS STEEL PARTS REPLACEMENT

Ø  FREE BURNER REPLACEMENT FOR AS LONG AS YOU OWN YOUR GRILL

Ø  10 YEARS-ELECTRONIC IGNITION

Ø  2 YEARS-ALL REMAINING COMPONENTS

MODEL 463242304”

I don’t know about you, but I interpret that to mean if I buy this grill, Char-Broil will replace stainless steel parts for 99 years and burners for as long as I own the grill. Now, that’s a great warranty. In fact, it was the warranty that made the choice an easy one.

 

Now, you get your new grill home, get out your tools and remove everything from its huge cardboard

Char-Broil Customer Support

container, including the manual which is still sealed inside a plastic bag. Finally, having completed the assembly of your new toy, you can relax and read the warranty. No. Of course you don’t read the warranty. Heck, you barely read the assembly instructions. Besides, why read the warranty? You already read it. What more could it say that wasn’t plastered all over the grill top on that sticker?

 

That was back in 2003. Every two or three years since, as my burners and stainless steel flame tamers needed replacing, I contacted Char-Broil, told them what I needed and paid them for shipping.

 

Recently, I called Char-Broil Customer Support to order replacement burners and flame tamers. I was told they would not be covered under warranty because I had exceeded the original price of the grill in free replacement parts. Well, that’s the first I’ve heard of that. After a brief, but calm protest, I was directed to the warranty printed inside the owner’s manual, which I still have…you know, the one that was sealed up inside the plastic bag and hiding inside the grill neatly packed in the large cardboard box that took two men and a Towmotor to get to the deck.

 

Char-Broil Director of Marketing

I took my protest to a higher level and spoke with a supervisor. He told me to send pictures of the grill, both inside and out, the burners and flame tamers and the sticker with the fake warranty. A few days later, I got their response. Char-Broil had denied my request but would offer me a discount on the parts. Well, I don’t see that happening because I’ll spend a thousand dollars on a new grill before I’ll spend another dime at Char-Broil.

 

The marketing gurus and legal team at Char-Broil know that few people will read the warranty, especially after they have plastered fake warranty information on a 12 by 17 inch sticker on the top of the display model. I believe there’s a name for that. It’s called bait and switch and I believe that’s illegal.  At best, it’s deceptive advertising. No, let me rephrase that…it’s lying. Of course, they blamed me for not reading the warranty inside the manual which was not available to me when I made the purchase. But any way you cut it, Char-Broil lied.

 

So, what’s the point of this minor diatribe? Just to warn anyone who reads it to be very careful when considering a made-in-China Char-Broil product. You may not get what you think.

 

 





Mary Had a Little Lamb 2.0

23 06 2017

Mary had a little lamb,

She didn’t have a dog.

She wrote about him every day,

And posted on her blog.

 

She wrote of how he followed her,

Everywhere that she would go,

And how she quickly grew annoyed,

By her constant sheep shadow.

 

She posted how he followed her,

To school against the rules,

And how the children laughed and played;

But the teacher ridiculed.

 

Then, one day, she hatched a plan,

To help her get away.

She tied a bow around his neck,

And sold him on e Bay.

 





Finally- April Gives Birth!

23 04 2017

Will this kid ever come?!

I got up last Saturday, turned on Fox News, and they were talking about April, the eternally pregnant giraffe, going into labor. I knew, for some strange reason, my wife would want to see this since she, like so many other women, had been glued to her iPad in anticipation of seeing the little booger hit the ground. So, I woke her up. Now before you call me sexist, I know men have been watching it too; but, polls show the female watchers outnumber males by 1500-1.

 

By the time she got up and got tuned in, a foot was sticking out. Then April paced around for another couple of hours or so before, PLOP, there it is.

 

“Oh, look at this!” she said with the excitement of scratching off the winning numbers on a lottery ticket. One would have thought we had just had another grandchild. “There’s the placenta,” she went on.

 

I looked at this little guy, a slime-covered, gangly legged, pile of giraffe sitting in the sand, his head bobbing around like a bobble head on the dashboard as if to be thinking, what the heck just happened? Then something occurred to me.

 

Now, as I understand, this wasn’t April’s first trip down baby lane. But what was it like the first time? I mean, when those two feet popped out from her backside, she probably thought, oh well, here I go again. But what went through her mind the first time she got pregnant and wasn’t familiar with the experience?

 

With baby number one, in similar fashion, when that first foot popped out, her first thought was probably, Not now, Oliver. I have a headache. Then, upon realizing Oliver was nowhere around, she probably looked rearward and saw that foot sticking out and thought, Whoa! What the heck is that?

 

Mama’s baby

It’s amazing how God gave mothers of any ilk the instinct to know what to do when they have babies. When his

face hit the sand, April jumped right in there and began cleaning up her baby. What was really cool was later, watching an extremely agitated April in the adjacent stall, when one of the zoo workers went in to do whatever zoo workers do to newborn giraffes. She wanted desperately to get to her baby to protect him from the intruder.  Maybe that’s it. I don’t care if you are a woman, a dachshund, or a long-neck giraffe; all mothers have one thing in common-a nurturing and protective instinct. That same instinct goes back to mama one. It was something she was born with and not something that evolved. That’s the common bond women share and what draws millions of women to computer screens to watch even a four-legged animal join the bonds of motherhood.

 





Satan’s Puppets

16 04 2017

The chief priests, elders and scribes who conspired against Jesus and delivered Him to the Cross; the Roman soldiers who mocked, beat and nailed Him there; and, the citizens who demanded His crucifixion were all unwitting participants in an event that would affect mankind for eternity.  In spite of having been eyewitness to many of Jesus’ miraculous works, they defiantly refused to believe He was indeed the Messiah and the Son of God. Rather, they felt Jesus was a threat to their power and beliefs. But, during His short mortal life, Jesus made it clear He had come to save when He said, “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” John 3:17. Jesus’ death was part of God’s plan of salvation.

 

Jesus also made clear the path to that eternal life when He said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life; no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” John 14:6.

 

Sadly, many today do not believe Jesus is the Son of God, nor do they appreciate what Jesus endured on that day on our behalf. Many are as blind and clueless as those who murdered Jesus and do not realize the harm they are causing or the destructive road they are following. University professors, the ultra-biased media, non-believing celebrities, corrupt politicians, and others who use their platform to spread their secular agenda, striving to remove all traces of Christianity from our lives, are unknowingly serving as pawns of Satan. It is one thing to espouse an opinion; but to openly, or subliminally, deliver evil is a fulfillment of Scripture and their followers will follow them to an eternal hell.  

 

God’s plan hasn’t changed. Jesus will return, but not riding on a donkey as He had done on what we now know as Good Friday. Instead, He will be as a warrior returning to defeat Satan and all evil. Those who have not accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior will not be saved from damnation.

 

Because of His suffering, we now have been given the greatest gift possible-eternal life. It’s right there like an apple on a low-hanging branch. All we have to do is grab it. Confess your sins and accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. It’s that simple. Unfortunately, many will continue to ignore His call.

 





Dying to Lose Weight

28 02 2017

Have you seen the ad on TV for Contrave? This is a prescription weight loss medication which, according to the Contrave web site, is “Believed to work on 2 areas of the brain to reduce hunger and help control cravings.” Wait a minute you mean you aren’t sure? Supposedly, taking this medication helps to reduce hunger and cravings so one eats less. Hey, I can pop a couple of Tootsie Rolls just before dinner and accomplish the same thing.

 

I usually tune these types of commercials out, or run through them on my DVR; but, this one caught my attention and made me wonder just how desperate one might need to be to take this medication.

 

According to the ad, possible side effects include:

  • Seizures
  • Risk of opioid overdose
  • Sudden opioid withdrawal
  • Severe allergic reactions
  • Increase in blood pressure or heart rate
  • Liver damage or hepatitis
  • Manic  episodes
  • Visual problems

Most common side effects include:

o   nausea

o   constipation

o   headache

o   vomiting

o   dizziness

o   trouble sleeping

o   dry mouth

o   diarrhea

And, if that isn’t enough, it goes on to say, “These are not all the possible side effects of CONTRAVE.” My goodness, what’s left that could happen to a body?

 

This ad gives me pause to question both the competency and integrity of the FDA. I can just see a user of Contrave standing around after church speaking with friends.

 

“Oh, girl, I haven’t slept in two weeks, can’t keep anything down, this rash is driving me crazy and my doctor tells me I need a new liver. But, have you noticed how much thinner I am?”

 

I understand that many people desire to lose weight; and, also, a good many people need, for medical reasons, to lose weight; but, my heart goes out to anyone whose desire, or need, to be smaller is so great they would resort to a medication such as Contrave. Sounds a lot to me like Russian Roulette. Pull the trigger and see what happens.





The Piggy Poem

16 02 2017

Recently, I was invited to speak at a conference a couple hours drive away so, I grabbed one of our company cars to make the drive. Only problem was, the radio wasn’t working. This gave me two hours of road noise. I really don’t mind the silence because it gives me a chance to think. Sometimes, in times like that, I get creative thoughts. I was able to create the following poem which I call the Piggy Poem. The mind can be a crazy thing.

 

The Piggy Poem  

Five little piggyspiggie-toes

That’s one plus four

Each one smaller

Than the one next door

One is at the market

Another’s at home

While the third one’s eating roast beef

All alone

And the other two piggys

Are try’n to figure out

How a little piggy

Eats meat with no snout.

They keep them piggys hidden

Inside of a shoe

And they might let ‘em out

After a day or two.

And when they let them piggys out again

They’ll smell like little piggys

In a little piggy pen

Then piggy mom and piggy dad

Gonna say

How come you piggys smell so bad?

Then the piggys’ll say

Well you’ stink too

If you were living

Inside a shoe

So the lesson for piggy mom

And piggy pop

If you want your piggys to smell good

You gotta wear flip-flops.

piggy-1





Count Your Blessings

22 01 2017

Psalm 40:5

“Many, O Lord my God, are Your wonderful works Which You have done; And Your thoughts toward us Cannot be recounted to You in order; If I would declare and speak of them, They are more than can be numbered.”

 

In Deuteronomy 29, a chapter in the lives of the Israelites was about to come to an end. Before sending the Israelites across the Jordan River into the Promised Land, Moses wanted to be sure everyone realized what they had just experienced because they had so much for which to be thankful.

 

This is the way I hear Moses’ address to the crowd.

 

You people have been following me around this desert now for 40 years. Have you not realized that you’re still wearing the same clothes you wore on the night God delivered us from Egyptian bondage 40 years ago? Yet, your clothes are not worn and tattered. They look as if you just walked out of a Sears catalog.

 

Have you never stopped to think about where your food and water, here in the desert, have come from for the past 40 years? True, mana and water isn’t meatloaf and Merlot, but by the grace of God, you’ve managed to survive and survive well.

 

Everything you have needed, God has provided. And now, He’s about to give you land, a great land, where you can settle down and raise your families.

 

Stop for a minute, people, and think about the past 40 years and how we have survived. God has blessed us every day with innumerable blessings.

 

In many respects, we are much like the children of Israel. We go through each day of our lives and it never occurs to us just how many times God has blessed us. Our blessings, like those of the Israelites, are too many to count. Every possession, every gift and ability, our children, our friends, our very lives we owe to God. We work hard to build the lives we have, but it’s our God-given abilities that allow us to achieve; and, sometimes we need a reminder of how good God has been to us.

 

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

 

Take a moment every day to thank God for the things He has done for you.